In keeping with requirements of the ill-conceived Freedom of Information Act,
President Bush's personal schedule and public appearances for the coming week
are provided below.

                                               - The White House

SUNDAY
------------

MORNING:
8:00 - 3 Miles on Treadmill
8:05 ...see doctor for bruises obtained while falling from treadmill...
9:00 - Church
11:00 - Policy Review w/ Karl
(investigate if it is possible to blame treadmill defects on Kerry.
Call rich friends, and suggest starting a "Treadmill Veterans For Truth"
group.)

AFTERNOON:
12:00 - Fund-Raising Lunch
1:30 - Event: Christen launch of Navy cargo barge USS George H.W. Bush
1:35 ...see doctor about slivers of glass in hand.
3:00 - Nap
5:00 - Flashcard Geography Lesson w/ Condi
5:30 ...ask Condi for a "do over"...

EVENING:
8:00 - Watch O'Reilly Factor
(Must remember to try NOT to move lips while watching)
8:01 ...doze off...
9:00 - "Laura Time"
9:01 ...doze off.
9:20 - Bed

MONDAY
-------------

MORNING:
8:00 - Jazzercise
8:05 ...see doctor for cramp in little toe...
9:00 - Prayer Squad
10:00 - Public Speaking Tutor

AFTERNOON:
12:00 - Strategy Lunch
(ask when I'll be allowed to sit at the "big table")
1:00 - Event: Preside over ribbon-cutting ceremony for Yellowstone
National Park Circumferential Snowmobile Expressway.
1:05 - see doctor for paper cut.
3:30 - Nap
5:00 - Leak rumors to Limbaugh

EVENING:
8:00 - Read Pages 10-15: "Life & Times of Teddy Roosevelt" (Cliff's Notes)
8:01 - ...doze off...
9:00 - "Barney Time"
9:20 - Bed

TUESDAY
--------------

MORNING:
8:00 - Trampoline Aerobics
8:01 - ...doze off on trampoline...
9:00 - Prayer Squad
10:00 - "Bi-Partisan Breakfast" (Ha!)
(ask, again, about sitting at big table)
11:00 - Breakfast Post-Mortem w/ Dr. Bill & Dennis

AFTERNOON:
12:00 - Heritage Foundation Lunch
1:30 - Rose Garden Ceremony: "A Very Special Tribute to Ron Reagan Jr."
1:35 - See doctor about a possible thorn infection
3:00 - Nap
5:30 - Trim Cuticles

EVENING:
8:00 - Shred Enron Documents
8:01 - ask someone how to work shredder (accidentally shredded the manual).
8:02 - see doctor about a serious paper cut
9:00 - "Jenna Time" Call
9:10 - Bed

WEDNESDAY
-------------------

MORNING:
8:00 - Sauna
(Got to remember how good snorting coke and steam, at the same time, feels.)
9:00 - Prayer Squad
(God's late, AGAIN!!!)
10:00 - Sexual Tension-Filled Telephone Mano a Mano w/ Karen Hughes
10:02 - See Doctor about right hand blister.
11:00 - Speech Rehearsal
("I'm George Bush and I approved of this massage...I mean message.")


AFTERNOON:
12:00 - Petrochemical Millionaire's Club Luncheon
12:02 - Thank the staff for remembering to put the table cover with the
presidential seal on the card table.
1:30 - Officiate at National Rifle Association AK-47 Appreciation Parade
3:00 - Nap
5:30 - Head measuring for new stetson hat
5:33 - see doctor for bruises, on forhead, from tape.

EVENING:
8:00 - Narcotics Anonymous Meeting
8:10 - score!
9:00 - "Barbara Time" Call
9:10 - Bed

THURSDAY
----------------

MORNING:
8:00 - Tae-Bo
9:00 - Prayer Squad
10:00 - Sexual Tension-Filled "Mano a Mano" w/ Karen Hughes
11:00 - Weekly Status Report Due on Cheney's Desk
11:30 - Thank Rove for writing report.

AFTERNOON:
12:00 - All-white meat luncheon at Bob Jones University
1:30 - Personal Portfolio Review w/ Paul O'Neil
3:00 - Nap
5:30 - Circle Jerk w/ Tony Blair & Vincente Fox

EVENING:
6:00 - Dinner at the Gingrich's
8:00 - Line Dancing in the East Room
9:00 - Mom & Dad Call
11:45 - Bed

FRIDAY
-----------

PERSONAL DAY - CRAWFORD, TX

SATURDAY
----------------

PERSONAL DAY - CRAWFORD, TX

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