2004 RNC Convention Schedule (Revised) 10:00 am: Opening Ceremony: Pat Boone accompanies Lee Greenwood singing "I'm Proud to be an American" during raising of the Confederate flag. 10:05 am: Vote on motion to go into Closed Session. (If motion fails, Justice Antonin Scalia will announce that all media must turn off audio and video recording devices.) 10:30 am: Katherine Harris speaks on "Are Elections Really Necessary?" 10:45 am: Trent Lott - "Re-segregation in the 21st Century" 11:00 am: Announcement: Lincoln Memorial Renamed for Ronald Reagan 11:10 am: Phyllis Schlafly speaks on "Why Women Shouldn't Be Leaders" 11:30 am: Rush Limbaugh - "Just Say No To Drugs" 11:45 am: Ann Coulter's Tribute to "Joe McCarthy, American Patriot" 12:00 noon: Singing of "God Bless America" and big screen projection of "Blue Angels" fly-over 12:04 pm: Lunch Break - steak with vegetable sides of ketchup and relish, yellow cake 12:30 pm: Oliver North - "Never Trade Arms with Terrorists" 1:00 pm: Reps. Doolittle and DeLay speak on the GOP congressional agenda. 1:30 pm: Group cheer -- Global-warming-schmobal warming! 1:35 pm: GOP's Tribute to Tokenism, featuring Colin Powell and Condi Rice 2:00 pm: Accounting for Beginners -- "Tax Cuts are Good for Deficit Reduction" 2:30 pm: Labor Secretary Elaine Chao speaks on "Economic Growth Through Job Exportation" 3:00 pm: Newt Gingrich speaks on "The Sanctity of Marriage" 3:30 pm: Unveiling of "The Guide to Imperialism" by the Heritage Foundation 4:00 pm: Announcement: Ronald Reagan to be added to Mt. Rushmore 4:15 pm: "Stomp on Poor People" Happy Hour (guided sight-seeing buses leaving for Harlem every 10 minutes) 6:00 pm: Dinner Break: Texas-Style Endangered Species Barbeque 7:00 pm: John Ashcroft leads ceremonial burning of the Bill of Rights (Note to convention hall staff - make sure statue of Justice is fully clothed) 7:15 pm: George W. Bush video tribute "Higher than a Kite: Portrait of a Fighter Pilot" 7:30 pm: Vote on motion to put image of Ronald Reagan on one dollar bill Keynote Speech by Dick Cheney (Exact time TBA, depending on his arrival from secret bunker). 8:00 pm: "Kiss Ass" session with Christian Coalition 8:30 pm: Workshop on government-corporate relations by Dick Cheney 8:45 pm: Log Cabin Republicans Encounter Session -- Coming to Terms with Your Self-Hatred 9:00 pm: Assault Rifle Raffle Return to |
