DONALD TRUMP JOKES
1. "It's like an Internet comment troll ran for president." - Jon Stewart
2. "The good news is, President Obama was born in America. The bad news is, so was Donald Trump." - Jay Leno
3. "Donald Trump is the kind of person who goes to the Super Bowl and thinks the people in the huddle are talking about him."
- Eric Schneiderman
4. "Donald Trump announces this morning that he will run for president. His hair will announce on Friday." - Albert Brooks
5. "Yeah! OK! That sounds good!' So now the obvious question is, will he ever not win? Yes, Trump is unstoppable. He's like
Godzilla with less foreign policy experience." - Stephen Colbert
6. "Donald has attacked every person of color -- except John Boehner." - Joe Biden
7. "Donald Trump has come out in favor of shutting down Planned Parenthood. However, experts say, if he really wants
Planned Parenthood to go under he should turn it into a Trump property." - Conan O'Brien
8. "Donald Trump may be running for president. He said he's sick and tired of the rest of the world laughing at the United
States. Well, President Trump will certainly put an end to that! - David Letterman
9. "Maybe he should ease into this... by running for a lower office first, like President of the Hair Club for Men." - Jimmy
Kimmel
10. "Donald Trump is the weak man's vision of a strong man." - Charles Cooke
11. "This guy has an ego. When Trump bangs a supermodel, he closes his eyes and imagines he's jerking off." - Seth
McFarlane
12. "Here's the thing about Donald Trump: he never apologizes; he's never wrong no matter what crazy thing he says. He's
the white Kanye." - Bill Maher
13. "He was even forced into the ultimate act of degradation -- starring in his own reality show. And soon the top-rated TV
show in the nation starred a total asshole torturing people who were stupid enough to work with him." - Seth McFarlane
14. "But folks, on a serious point, Trump said he likes 'people who don't get captured'. What a terrible thing to say about my
friend and a genuine war hero, John McCain. So tonight I call on Donald Trump to be a man of his word -- and release Chris
Christie right now." - Joe Biden
15. "Say what you will about Trump, he is not stupid. He is a smart man with a deep understanding of what stupid people
want." - Andy Borowitz
16. "Donald Trump showed his birth certificate to reporters. Who cares about his birth certificate? I want to know if that thing
on his head has had its vaccinations." - Craig Ferguson
17. "Trump says he says he's gonna run for president in 2012. But if his plan for America is to fire everyone, he's about two
years too late." - Seth McFarlane
18. "Americans have been mishearing The Donald: what he actually said is that he will make America *grate* again, after
which many of them will migrate again." - Michael R. Burch
19. Trump has tweaked his infamous MAGA slogan: "My Attorney Got Arrested"
20. "The walls are closing in on Donald Trump. And this time Mexico is offering to pay for them." - Conan O'Brien
21. "Trump 2020" (20 for Obstruction and 20 for Treason)
22. Q.: What's the difference between Donald Trump and O.J. Simpson?
A.: One got away with murder and the other got away with a double murder.
23. Q.: What's the difference between Henry Ford and Donald Trump?
A.: One engineered an American coupe and the other engineered an American coup.
24. Q.: What's red, 25 inches long and has an asshole behind it?
A.: Donald Trump's tie.
25. "Donald Trump is worse than any horror story I've written." - Stephen King
26. "Go Trumphound...and leave the lying to us!"
27. A guy goes into a Barnes and Noble book store. He asks the liberal clerk lady, "do you have Donald Trump's new book
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